The Final Episode #72: Clutch Cargo (1959 - 1960)

Well, I've actually been wondering what show to do for this installment for a few days honestly. It's kinda hard to pick a big show for like number 72. I was going to talk about Chipmunks Go the Movies, A retooling of the Chipmunks series that I feel is different enough to discuss THAT Final Episode too. but I dunno. I kinda want to start doing shows in order.  The problem with that is that the regular Chipmunks not-spoofing movie series ended with a Christmas Episode. That makes the fourth show that ended with a Christmas special. I'm not tackling Christmas stuff until at least late November. Just like I'm not tackling any more of the spooky shows until late September. You just gotta wait to see how I feel about this stuff. I promise I will make it slightly better than the mediocre stuff I pump out now. I figure Halloween and Christmas deserve that much at least.

So I decided to just go with a random request that I had for a show from my pal Sean. I chose his pick Clutch Cargo because I felt it would be an interesting show to finally watch and talk about. I was right, mostly. This is going to be me bitching because this cartoon is fucking terrible and is without a doubt not only the worst Final Episode but the worst TV show I've talked about for this little blog. Hell it might be the worst thing I've talked about for this blog. I really really really did not enjoy my time with Clutch Cargo and I will not be returning to view any more. 

I champion a lot of stuff that gets slack from people. I really do. It might be nostalgia for some of it but at least Filmation and Hanna-Barbera had charm. This has nothing. Clutch Cargo was created by Clark Haas, a dude who apparently was a jet pilot before making this show. He also worked with Hanna-Barbera. I don't know if I want to watch those Hanna-Barbera shows now. Yes this is how much I did not like this show, it's making me question watching Speed Buggy. Not even portnoyd could do that! The other big name of Cambria Productions was Edwin Gillette. He created something called Syncro-Vox which could superimpose peoples lips on an image. That's all I knew about this show before I watched it. I just knew  that the lip thing looked creepy as fuck. It looks even worse when you see the lips move. I do not like it.

Cambria Productions did a few other shows with Syncro-Vox, like Space Angel, Captain Fathom, or The New 3 Stooges.  I know I usually go "Yeah I'll talk about them too" but this is going to be the one case where I go "Hell fucking no, I'm not watching anything else from Cambria Productions" Fuck that shit right in the asshole. I did think some of the people who worked on these series to be interesting. One of them was Emil Sitka. A guy who appeared in like a shit ton of Three Stooges shorts. Another person was Hal Smith who was probably most well known as the drunk guy on The Andy Griffith Show. The last person was Margaret Kelly a lady who voiced Tinkerbell in the original Peter Pan. 

Clutch Cargo is the adventures of well Clutch Cargo and his ward Spinner and Weiner dog Paddlefoot. I did say the word adventures in that first sentence but they really aren't. This is the cheapest animation I've ever seen and I can't believe anyone was ever entertained by this crapola. The characters barely move and when they talk you see actual lips move around. I can't explain why but man it gives me the heaves. I am not a fan of this. They had 52 episodes that were taken into five segments. the first four segments would end on a cliffhanger and the fifth one would end the story. So I guess we can finally get on in with the actual discussion of this Final Episode.

The Final Episode was called "Big X" and it starts with a professor at a astrological building of sorts. You know the ones with a big telescope. I don't know the name of this building and I do not care enough to look it up for this awful, awful show. The professor has this beard that looks like it was filled in with MS paint despite the fact MS Paint wouldn't exist for like another 25 years after this episode came out. The Professor Man calls Clutch Cargo to come to visit him and shows him the Big X which is going to crash into the moon. If this show had an animation budget over 32 cents this might have been fun or exciting but it doesn't so we are bored. They realize they need a rocket and they have to run off to Professor #2 whom I will call Shitty Ginger Beard Professor. 

Shitty Ginger Beard Professor creates Rockets and sends them off into the incredible coldness of Outer Space. You think he'd be working with NASA or the Russians or hell maybe someone else but nope. Rocket building and sending them into space is a one man job I guess.  He sends off a rocket into space as Clutch Cargo and the gang are screaming for him to not do that. I think this is where episode 2 ended but watching this 20 minute cartoon sent me into a place where time had no meaning and I was very frightened by that fact. So they find another one of his rockets that's kinda shitty but they have to stop the Big X from crashing into the Moon. 

The Shitty Rocket had a rocky lift off but it works they are going into space WHILE the Shitty Ginger Beard Professor works on fixing the rocket with some science gizmos they will need to do something about Big X. They get to the moon pretty fucking quickly even for a cartoon and oh shit they are now in between Big X (which is a Comet and not actually a big version of the letter X which really annoys me. At least put in a silly joke about it actually be a letter damnit) Now some nonsense about the positive ions the rocket puts out is bringing the comet after them. So they try to go faster but the rocket blows up and the Shitty Ginger Beard Professor tells them that he can put up some shitty science gizmo that will stop the comet. I think, I was seeing images from the past all around me as this show was so boring and not entertaining that I was being sent through history. It was scary and I don't want to do it again, but I think Clutch Cargo is the secret to time travel.

They stop the comet and then they jump on the comet and find out that it's a musical meteorite. They then decide to bring the comet back to earth and they do. No problems there because they couldn't have a problem because they didn't have the damn animation budget. Oh and the episode was almost over. It ends with Paddlefoot dancing on the Meteor. I don't know how he got up there because I was being sent forward in time at a incredible rate. I'm serious the sheer dullness of this show is the secret to traveling through time. Scientists need to study this show!

FINAL VERDICT: You can't do much with the animation budget they had for this show. So I'm amazed they got anything out, however this show was not amusing with there being one joke at the end of the cartoon and the animation is so poor and cheap that you can't even do an adventure. You really don't need to see this show unless you want to travel throughout time. Yes I will beat that joke to death.