I should have watched this right after 2012 because this 43 year old Disaster television movie is streets and avenues ahead of 2012. It's tense and exciting, the actors feel like they should be in the movie (unlike John Cusack who is not an action lead. I don't know if I mentioned that in the 2012 review but I will mention it here. He's not an action hero and never will be. No one ever will believe he is a tough guy.) This movie also doesn't feel like its 22 hours long. Anyway let's actually discuss The Beasts are on the Streets instead of shitting on Roland Emmerich again.
This movie was produced by Joe Barbera (among other people), Yes. Joe Barbera of Hanna-Barbera, the animation studio popular for remaking the same 8 cartoons over and over for about 60 years, and I say this as a fan. They made fun cartoons but they totally ran an idea into the ground. There are at LEAST 20 Scooby Doo ripoffs that appeared on 1970s TV. Anyway yes they made live action movies too. They worked on another movie I've seen called C.H.O.M.P.S. A silly kids movie from the 1970s about a robotic dog. I don't know how many live action movies they did but I enjoyed both movies I've seen that they worked on. Even Joe's son Neal got in on the action making two slasher films The Prowler (one of the best slashers ever) and Too Scared to Scream (one I don't really remember at all!)
This movie was directed by Peter Hunt, who got his job working editing films like Dr. No. The first movie he ever directed was also a James Bond picture On Her Majesty's Secret Service, you know the George Lazenby one. He also directed Charles Bronson not once but TWICE. Death Hunt and Assassination. Death Hunt was one of Charlie's best! Peter does a good job at keeping scenes tense but also making funny scenes too. I enjoyed the goofy scene with the ostrich and the little kid.
The Beasts on the Streets is about well a bunch of African animals have escaped from a zoo or some shit. The lions, and tigers, and bears all run off. Yes I know bears aren't African but they call the place an African animal sanctuary, but that bear looks like a damn Grizzly! You even see Elephants, Zebras, Alpacas, Camels and all kinds of fun shit. You even get a lion cub and a baby camel. The baby camel dies. That's the one thing I don't like about this movie, still didn't depress me as bad as 2012 did though. The Park Rangers have to get all the animals back while worrying about dumbass hunters and stuff.
The acting in this movie is pretty stellar. Carol Lynley from the Poseidon Adventure plays a veterinarian whos in a relationship with the main Park Ranger. The guy who wasn't Don Johnson in Miami Vice plays a Park Ranger. It even has one of the main racist guys from Blazing Saddles in it. The guy who goes 'Dock that chink a day's pay for napping on the job!". I'm sure he's been in a lot of movies but I'll always remember him for that. Oh, and there's a little girl who has to be THE worst child actor I've ever seen in ANY movie. EVER. Holy shit she seems bored as fuck to be in a movie. She also has THE most 70s hair I've ever seen ever. It would make Farrah Fawcett weep.
I enjoyed watching this movie. I liked the characters. I liked seeing weirdo animals like Ostriches, Alpacas, and Camels pop up in an Animals Attack film. Oh, and there's a scene where a Tiger and a Bear fight. Now if that isn't cinema than I do not know what is.
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It's not cinema because you don't know what that is.
ReplyDeleteThis is such an exciting premise. What's next: someone loses a hubcap in a pot hole? THE DEPTHS OF THE HOLES, staring Tootie from Facts of Life and Mr Belvedere.
If this is better than 2012, I'll eat my farts, jerk.
You say that now but you'd run from a fuckin lion in your yard ya damn fuck.
ReplyDeleteYeah but my life isn't a movie, jerk. So if a lion was in my backyard, it wouldn't be filmed. Don't be dumb.
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