A few days ago, I was looking through all of the older reviews. Trying to find out what I should re-do and what can be left alone. The first ten or so episodes really, really need to be re-done. It's not that they are terrible it's just the length of them. Some of them got like three paragraphs and I'm sorry but Transformers and Blossom deserve more than three damn paragraphs about them. Anyway I saw my Highway to Heaven review and looked at it and was reminded of this show. A show I never watched. A show that I'm sure no one I knew watched it. I was actually amazed to find out that this was a CBS show because I thought it was made by some religious tv group or something.
It does make sense in a way that it is a CBS show because as a child that might have been my least watched tv channel. ABC had TGIF and One Saturday Morning. NBC had Unsolved Mysteries. Most of the stuff I watched were on Canadian speciality channels like YTV and Teletoon. All I watched on CBS was Cosby, Everybody Loves Raymond (I do not know why I watched this) and King of Queens (sorry port but Jerry Stiller is great in this as he is in everything he does). It's just Religious tv shows feel like they should have been on JESUS TV or something. I guess it was the time. Which kinda freaks me out. I seriously, seriously am kinda bothered that this show went into the 21st Century. It's really something that should have started in like 1989 and ended in 1997 or 1998. The fact I was (legally) an adult in 2003 and could watch this show. It just feels weird. A good amount of "wait that carried on into the 21st Century!??"
Anyway sit around for the CLAWXBLOG PRESENTS CLAWX'S THOUGHTS ON RELGION AND HIS HISTORY WITH RELIGION BECAUSE A BLOG WHERE SOMEONE TALKS ABOUT DARKHAWK AND THE SMOGGIES IS THE PERFECT PLACE TO GO FOR THAT: Anyway when I was a child my mother would take me to church every Saturday. Yes, Saturday. Right after we ate supper. I went until I was thirteen years of age when I stopped. I am glad she let me stop. I'm pretty sure they had gone over the entirety of the Bible 14 times by that point. Maybe even more. As for Religion. I am not a part of any of them but I do believe someone or something started this entire mess. I hope I get to talk to them so I can ask them why tho? As for Religious people, as long as you don't use your religion to be a jerk then I really don't care if you believe the Care Bears run heaven for Jesus. I am a fan of non-jerks.
The concept of this show was a trainee Angel and a INDEPENDANT STRONG POWERFUL BLACK WOMAN WHO DON'T NEED NO MAN Angel go around America and probably other places (I dunno, this is the first time I'm watching this show) and help people. It's a lot like Highway to Heaven except with more vaginas. Also both shows are a lot like Quantum Leap except Quantum Leap helped people with the power of Science and Dean Stockwell. The Angel shows used the power of Jesus and Della Reese. I do not know which one is more powerful so do not ask me. That question cannot and should not ever be answered.
Anyway since I've never seen any of these episodes before. I decided to watch an episode called Chutzpuh, it's about the Jews! Who doesn't love the Jews? ......don't answer that. It was written by the guy who co-founded PragerU with Dennis Prager and a Rabbi. So pretty conservative writers there ho boy. Anyway a new trainee Angel, played by Valerie Bertinelli just sits on a bus bench waiting for Monica the Irish angel lady to come back. She tells people she's an angel and makes them think she is a gosh darn nut case. Della Reese shows up and tells her not to talk to anyone unless they talk to her first. She should have stayed because the very next group of people who show up are a fucking group of skinheads who apparently end up telling Valerie Bertinelli all about their views. So it's not gonna be a lot of fun for some Jewish guy who transcribes the Torah who missed the bus. Della Reese and Irish Angel are watching from afar. Della Reese does this facepalm bit when Valerie starts talking about the Jews. It's weirdly hilarious and also sad because the Jewish dude is all depressed now.
Della Reese pretty much calls Valerie's character a fuckin moron idiot and tells her this is now her assignment to help these Jewish people. I guess sell their house? Anyway we go to Irish Angel who is meeting the Jewish guys daughter who draws CONTROVERSIAL images of her father. Thanks to the internet I have seen worse. Thank you internet! The Irish Angel is literally the most Irish person I've ever heard. I'm pretty sure she bleeds Whiskey! So Jewish Daughter has a dinner with her parents and Irish Angel comes with her. Jewish Daughter gets offended by Torah Writer Dad and now that the management of the paper or magazine or magazine paper or thing that doesn't exist in 2025 want some SAUCY cartoons she puts one of the SAUCY cartoons she drew of her dad and names the comic Chutzpah. Hebrew words are so wonderful.
So Irish Angel doesn't like the saucy cartoons which annoys Jewish Daughter. Valerie Bertinelli is helping the Jewish Dad do something. Jewish Rabbi comes by to talk to Jewish Dad about the cartoons and he says he will talk to his daughter about them. Jewish Daughter and Jewish Dad get into a fight and Irish Angel then asks God to know what happened between them and we get a scene of what started the rift. She looks stunned and out of it when talking to God, I wonder what regular people think "probably just thinking of Leprechauns or the Blarney Stone". I don't know anything about Ireland and I'm pretty sure my ancestors were from there! Jewish Dad gets an idea from Valerie Bertinelli who is weirdly cute despite being like 40 something in these episodes. I dunno. I like her and gets a bunch of people to protest the comic. He even says I HAVE NO DAUGHTER during the argument! SERIOUS!
Oh shit! The Jewish Mom is getting in on the fight! You know it's gonna end soon! She goes to argue with her AND after the argument Valerie Bertinelli goes "Wow those bald men were right! Jews are stubborn!" Irish Angel then takes her to see some canyons or some shit. After talking about the Jews and Valerie Stupid Angel Bertinelli goes "THERE REALLY WAS A HOLOCAUST?" she gets taken to the Holocaust Museum to learn. Jewish Daughter gets a message from the skinheads saying that they will take care of the "Pig rabbis" for her and she literally shits a brick. Valerie Bertinelli whos last name is a lot of fun to type goes to apologize for her actions to Jewish Dad. Jewish Dad invites her into the synagogue and WOAH the skinheads are there! The angels pretty much tell everyone there that they are angels and blammo they run off but not before hurting Jewish Dad. The dad and Daughter come ot terms with everything with the help of the Angels. Thus ends what just might be the most heavy handed VERY SPECIAL EPISODE I've ever seen. This is important information people should see but JESUS they jam that shit right into your mouth. and not in a sexy way. This episode needed more Della Reese just coming in and slapping the shit outta everyone.
The Final Episode is the tipping reason I just had to review this show. It has David Ogden Stiers playing SATAN. (Also not the only Final Episode to star Mister Ogden Stiers, he was in Murder, She Wrote's Final Episode too I believe. That's right the ClawxBlog is your go to place for television shows your Grandma would watch!). So Carol Burnett, yes that Carol Burnett is the person who introduces us to the Final Episode of Touched By An Angel... called I Will Walk With You Part 1 and 2. Which appeared on TV screens across this world on April 29, 2004. It still feels really anachronistic that this show was still on at this point but I guess it was. I've got to say that this surprise guest cast is probably the reason I now believe in Time Travel. Cloris Leachman, Marion Ross, Paul Winfield, Patrick Duffy, Patty Duke and Charles Rocket. The only way those people could all appear in the same episode is because of my time traveling antics.
So Irish Angel sits on a bus stop and Della Reese tells her that this is the last time they will be working together as it's pretty much said and done about her become a supervising Angel and Della Reese tells her that they will not be working together after this! Irish Angel gets on the bus and meets a random drifter and then we see some interviews from people who worked with Irish Angel. I never knew God did job interviews. This show is teaching me some things!!! She meets the sheriff of the town and his son Joey whom she helped out in a previous episode. Also a spooky black car with black windows is driving all over town..............COULD IT BE DAVID OGDEN SATAN?????????????? yes. yes it is.
Appare ntly an explosion happened that killed the sheriff's wife and just about all the children in the town. It's caused the town to completely give up. Shit this place really does need some Angels. Too bad they are all talking to God. Anyway, PATRICK DUFFY IS THE TOWNS MAYOR!!!! Oh and apparently Joey the mute special education man is the sheriff's brother not son. Even though they literally look like they could be father and son. Wild. Anyway she learns that Marion Ross was also another person she helped! Man this show had a wild list of guest stars. I might just watch it for them! The kids stuff that had been left all around town for a year is now being moved! A guy side eyes Zac the Drifter, also put a k on that name buddy! It looks weird without it. They end up in a town meeting, some guy wants to buy the town and the man with the nascallist voice in the history of voices literally says that Zac(k) was there a year earlier...near the school. TO BE CONTINUNUEDED
Remember when that was a thing? Of course you do, you read this blog. You'd get a little tense going oh no how are they going to finish this within the shows usual time slot and then BLAMMO FUCKIN GOTTA COME BACK NEXT WEEK. Ain't going to want to go to Aunt Sally's house so your parents can play poker! You gotta be here because no one in the house knows how to set a VCR. Those things were literally like the most space age thing ever. I refuse to believe anyone knew how to do it.
Zack tells Patrick Duffy and Irish Angel that he was in fact at the school on business but cannot tell them why! Irish Angel then see DAVID OGDEN SATAN (I am having way too much fun typing that. I say it aloud each time I type it too!) and tells Patrick Duffy (who she had saved fifteen years earlier) that he is DAVID OGDEN SATAN. DAVID OGDEN SATAN then tells her hello. We then cut to a courthouse where DAVID OGDEN SATAN is railroading the SHIT out of Zack. Holy shit he's making ME think he did it and I know he didn't because Angels are on his side! Still it's looking really shitty for Zack.
Well, after some nice scenes where they reopen the Church and see that all the belongings were brought there by Zack. It turns out that he was declared Guilty on all counts. He's going to the joint. the big house. THE HOOSEGOW. They ain't very nice to people who hurt children in those places (allegedly. I have never been to prison.) Irish Angel doesn't want Zack to get shived so she asks God if she can become his personal Angel and look out for him and make sure that doesn't happen. We get a nice scene with Della Reese, who had to be sidelined because well DAVID OGDEN SATAN is powerful but a STRONG POWERFUL INDEPENDANT BLACK WOMAN WHO DON'T NEED NO MAN is more powerful. Della Reese would have just smack his ass down and twice on Tuesday! Irish Angel goes to the police station just to find out that Zack is gone!
They then find out that Joey was the one who turned the heat up on the boiler causing all the problems, but not because he's a lunatic but because DAVID OGDEN SATAN got him to do it by saying the kittens he was caring for would want it to be warm. Irish Angel gets everyone to stay in the town and ruins the evil plans of DAVID OGDEN SATAN. She then finds her way back to the bus stop that apparently I assume was apart of the first episode. Della Reese then tells her she can talk to Zack because ZACK WAS GOD IN DISGUISE THIS ENTIRE TIME. I guess she got that promotion to supervisor Angel. She says her goodbyes too everyone and drives off to help more people. I kinda wish when it zoomed up to the clouds we'd see Zack, Della Reese and a gator waving at her ala Happy Gilmore. We can't always get what we wish for though.
FINAL THOUGHTS: The first episode I watched was heavy handed but the Final Episode was handled a bit better. You should know if you'd be able to watch stuff like this but I miss the era of shows where people would just help one another you know. Just weirdly wholesome TV that I would have not watched a second of as a child/teen. The episodes I watched were from a old Canadian tv station called W which was a channel for ladies to watch lady things. Like the home shopping network informercials that started after the episodes ended. There's some beautiful poetic joke there but I'll leave it be for now. As long as we all look out for each other then DAVID OGDEN SATAN will never win.
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