NES GAMES I MISS ED ONE!!!!!!!! HAHAHHHHHHHHH

 Yes. I just realized I had missed a game. So I guess we will start the review off with that one game. So let’s do it.

This is the game I missed. It’s a sports game compliation. Woo. You can see why I forgot about this game. I don’t like most sports games and I don’t like most of these compliation games either. Most of them are just too hard for me to get anywhere in. I guess this game has fine graphics and sound for the time and I can see why others enjoy it but I don’t. I’m putting it in the bad category because I just don’;t like it. That’s the review you were sorely missing.

I don’t know what to say about most of the Classic NES games that haven’t been already said. I did this mostly to talk about the more unknown games. The stuff people never seem to discuss, however I felt I might as well talk about all the NES games and that includes the big name stuff that still does well today and Castlevania is fucking awesome. That’s all I can say is to agree with the majority and is a lot of fun to play. The graphics and music still hold up incredibly well. The gameplay has you whipping the shit out of Dracula and the Frankenstein Monster. The game is pretty fucking hard too but it’s more of that “well thought out challenging” hard and not ‘we just didn’t know what the fuck we were doing” hard. I’m pretty sure I don’t have to say anything else other than if you haven’t played this game you should.

This paragraph review will show maybe my hottest hot take when it comes to video games. CastleVania II is the only ‘Metroidvania” game that I like. I have never played Symphony of the Night and I’m not jazzed about ever doing so. I played some of those Castlevania GBA games and I wasn’t wowed by them. If I want to go search around and find things to get to new areas I will play Metroid. When I play Castlevania I want to slap around crazy monsters with a whip. That’s what I want. I much perfer the older Castlevania games that were mostly platformers with some elements of that in it. Keep Metroid and Castlevania apart is what I say. Still I actually like this game and think the only real problem is some of the “How the fuck was I know that I had to do that? You stupid jerk game” but otherwise I enjoy this game. I know all of this was a hot take but I don’t care. Agree with it or don’t.

This is the best Castlevania game on the NES, maybe the best Castlevania game period. It’s a massive improvement on the other two games. You get alternative paths and can one of several helpers to help you beat the game. The graphics, music and challenge factor have all been upped. I’ve beaten the first two Castlevania games but I have NOT beaten this one. It is a tough ass motherfucker of a game. I WILL hopefully do it once sometime soon but man, this is some hard shit. The game is totally worth playing and is highly recommended by me.

Another one of those “sports game compliation” type games that were all over the NES. I believe there’s ONE that I will be giving a good rating too. The rest I am just not a fan of. I don’t know what it is but these games want me to somehow input the craziest button combos EVER and also then do those crazy button combos incredibly quickly to get anywhere. I just don’t find that fun and despite the goofy comedy of this game (which does actually amuse me) I don’t find this game much fun. I do end up playing this one a fair amount hoping against everything that this time I finally get good at it and actually enjoy playing it but it never works out. Sad.

Oh goodie, it’s another Color Dreams game. Actually I should be saying it’s another Sachen game. Sachen I think was a Taiwaniese company that the Red Eye really tried to make a thing. I never saw a game under their actual name ever show up anywhere except for the ones Color Dreams bought and brought over. It’s a good thing too because the games they made were utter hogshit. This game is an annoying shitty pile of garbage that plays and controls poorly. Like “we made this garbage in one day” poorly. The controls are hideous and it just is annoying to play. Play control is probably the most important thing a game should have because you can look and sound good (not that this game does look or sound good) but if the game is annoying to control it’s all for naught. Anyway don’t play this game. It’s poop. it’s PORTNOYD poop.

Good games: 57

Bad Games: 48

Okay games: 14

Yep, we are continuing our fun time reviewing NES games. If you haven’t been reading recently, we’ve gotten to the Cs! That’s right 106 games have been reviewed! This is now the second set of C titles! Not titles graded a C but ones that start with a C! So let’s get to reviewin’!

Man this box art screams “I AM A GRAPHIC DESIGNER FOR REAL MAN” and I think I love it for that. It’s just a random blast of shit that’s related to poker including the word Poker! It’s genuinely hilarious to me. I don’t know why either. It also feels very 1990s too. Anyway the company Sofel is a weird one but I like most of their games and I think that this is a pretty good casino game, probably the best one on the NES. It’s a weird Casino RPG. You have to fight poker players and blackjack players before getting to the final guy. It has pretty good music and pretty good graphics and if you dig Casino shit you should play this one. It’s pretty neat. At least I think so.

Despite adding in Roulette (which is kind of a shitty game honestly. I would never play it if I went to an actual casino. Seems to random for me) this is a downgrade in every manner. Gone is the weird RPG elements, you could I believe choose to just do poker people first and then black jack. You could do it in whatever way you felt was best. This you go through 10 people, playing Roulette, Blackjack and Poker. You also play a whole lot less people in this game, I don’t remember how many people in the original but I know it had to be more than 10 players. It’s also a downgrade in cover art too. The first one was goofy 1990s looking crap but this is just the cast of Dynasty or some soap opera playing poker. Wow! Also because it’s my thing to annoy you all with stories of the ole days before everything went stupid, I think I paid $20 AND got this game in Newfoundland. I’m sorry but that now means Casino Kid 2 is not as rare as you think. Certainly not $130 rare. Still it’s not an awful game or anything it’s just not all that good either. It’s very OKAY. I certainly enjoy the first game a lot more. This feels like “Yeah shove a game onto the old NES” demand from marketing at Sofel Inc.

Oh boy! Here we have a pile of hot shit from the United Kingdom! Steamy, smelly blood pudding filled shit for you all to enjoy. Or not. This game is slow and ugly and very unappealing. You play as this weird looking douchebag monster thing and he has to jump up and get to the top of a castle or some shit. I’ve never beaten the first level of this game I don’t think. It’s because the play controls of this game is the slipperiest shit in the world. It is so hard to control the little monster douchebag. It’s one of my least favorite NES games. I would probably put it in the bottom 75 games on the NES. I don’t even want to talk about it any more.

You think I’d be able to get away from ANOTHER ONE OF THE WORST NES GAMES EVER MADE for at least a few posts right? You’d think that I wouldn’t find a game WORSE THAN CASTELIAN so quickly. But I did. Castle of Deciet was Color Dreams under their Bunch Games name. I don’t know why Color Dreams changed their name because they were unlicensed and all that and didn’t have to play by Nintendo’s rules of THIS IS HOW MANY GAMES YOU CAN PUT ON OUR NINTENDO A YEAR PAY ATTENTION TO IT JERK OR I WILL STAB YOUR ASSHOLE. I would watch a Color Dreams documentary movie. I would not play any of their NES games (actually I probably will because I’m that foolish and sad) This game is a weird mess of garbage. It has the same problem every Color Dreams has which is really shitty play control. It also has the same problem of “Let’s just jam shit into levels all willy nilly without thinking of how players are even supposed to get past this without dying”. Like so many enemies and stuff placement is just thrown all over the place without any care. I would not play this game at all.

This game is pretty weird. It’s a sidescroller where all you do is fight bosses. It’s strange. It’s a lot like Sword Fighter. I think the games are connected somehow. I don’t know or care. This game is pretty enjoyable but also janky as shit. It’s pretty enjoyable to try to find out the right weapon to fight the right boss. It’s also pretty hard. Sometimes it’s fair hard and sometimes it’s hard because the hit detection is weird and shitty and sometimes you’ll just jump into a pit because of kinda crummy play control. It’s a janky ass game that I dunno if I can call GOOD but I like it too much to call it BAD so I guess that means I will end up putting it in the OKAY section.

This is another pretty interesting game that I kinda like but I also can’t really call good. I don’t know if it totally deserves to be considered SHIT like most people do consider it. I’ll put it in the okay section again. Anyway you play as a weird little FANCY DANDY FOP who has to save a princess or some shit from Satan. That’s clearly Satan on the game cover. Anyway, you have to go through a maze like Castle to save everyone. Honestly the only real problem this game has is that if you fall from to high a height you die and that’s bullshit no matter what game. The good guy should be able to jump down 34 stories to the ground and not get hurt. They CERTAINLY should be able to jump off a 1 foot thing and not die. It’s very annoying but I don’t hate this game or anything. I still kinda like this one.

Good Games: 54

Bad Games: 45

Okay games: 14

NES Games? Still! WHAT!?

 Yep, It’s another post on NES games. I do it for three reasons. 1) trying to spend as much time possible away from Twitter. 2) right now they are the easiest thing to discuss and the one I really want to discuss 3) anything that keeps me from freaking out about the weird issue with my ear. I don’t know if its sinus stuff from when I was sick or not because it’s some kind of blockage but I can easily put a q-tip in there and nada. It’s annoying and I’m not a fan. Anyway we have finally gotten to the C’s in our NES Game Reviews! That’s pretty wild. 100 games in! There are 48 games that start with C here! So let’s get to the first six!

One thing that is very easy about these games is that I’ve been playing NES games like the vast majority of them since I found emulation in 1997. That is closer to 30 years ago than I would like to admit. That’s a long time to play games. I don’t need to read or reread a comic or research a TV show. I can just tell you what I feel about the game because trust me I’ve played most NES games a lot. I remember Cabal being a game I got pretty soon after I bought my second NES (actually I believe it was given to me. I don’t know) and I think Cabal might even have been one of the games I got with it. I know I had it because it’s a game that was everywhere and I liked playing it. I still like playing it. I mean those early games I was just given were a weird bunch. X-Men, Ghostbusters, like 3 copies of Mario, Cabal and Snow Brothers (yes that Snow Brothers was given to me free of charge because someone wanted it out of there house.) Anyway, Cabal is a game where you just shoot stuff in a first person view. It’s kinda like those levels in the original Contra. I think Cabal does want it sets out to incredibly well and I enjoy playing it. It has a good fair challenge and I enjoyed beating it. I have fond memories of this game and if you are still stupid enough to collect NES games in 2023 (almost 2024) this one should still only be under $5, wait according to price charting people want $11 for this? Wow. I wish I had kept my collection to resell at TODAYS prices because I’d be fucking rich.

I complained to DISCORD earlier that the next set of games weren’t great and I mean that in two ways. Two of these upcoming games are very not good. one is at best okay and one I can’t really say much about. Caesars Palace is the game I can’t say much about. You know how I was like “if you like fishing and video games you’ll probably enjoy Blue Marlin”? Yeah you can easily say this about Caesar’s Palace too, except replace fishing with gambling games. I like gambling games. I think they brought that stuff to the NES fairly well. Is this the most exciting game to discuss? No, is it worth picking up if you like me enjoy poker and blackjack and all that shit? Sure is. So with that said I’m going to get to the next game.

I honestly believe that with a bit more effort this game could have been amazing instead of just okay. I don’t hate this game but I really want to LOVE this game and there’s just not enough to love. The game is weird in that it’s a side scroller that has some RPG elements. Like you have to pick up jems (not the truly outrageous rocker) to level up Captain America and Hawkeye and that’s really all it. Maybe like not do that or put more effort into the whole concept there? It seems weirdly pointless. Whatever it doesn’t really ruin anything. What brings this game down is that in 1991, yes 1991 they just decided to make 4 level layouts and repeat them several times. This is not something I can say is okay for a game in 1991. So many games had so many different level layouts in that game. This game just repeats the same mostly not very interesting level layouts. I also do not like how you can’t play as Iron Man or the Vision. I think if this had been like Bucky O Hare where you had four (or more) characters to play as would have been really neat. Despite those issues I don’t hate this game. I still play it a fair amount. I just can’t rate it anything past an OKAY.

Is this my first Color Dreams game? I actually couldn’t tell but I looked and no it isn’t that was Baby Boomer. I can’t really get angry at myself for forgetting about Baby Boomer. Color Dreams games were at BEST forgetable and at worst some of the worst garbage put out on the NES. Sorry but I’d play several LJN games over say Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu or whatever. Color Dreams made their own games and brought over some Sachen games. Sachen reminds me of the Red Eye and how he used to be a cool guy instead of kissing Wata’s ass to be able to save a prototype rom that he can never actually show anyone. Anyway Captain Comic is mostly in the forgettable realm but it has a lot of stuff I don’t like. The controls are weird and I also seem to get stuck in the floors of some levels. Not a fan of this game and I don’t care enough to play the 1980s PC game (sorry Damien)

I am a fan of goofy old 1990s cartoon shows so I am a fan of Captain Planet. It’s cheesy, it’s silly, it’s hokey, but it’s heart is in the right place and is still a lot of fun to watch. I even liked it enough to buy Captain Planet action figures as a cool adult that other adults want to spend time with! That was a joke son. No one wants to spend time with me. Uh, anyway Captain Planet the NES game is not good. I know people really hate this one and I’ve kinda grown to like it. I still cannot in good conscious call it a good game. It’s pretty shitty. I just don’t think it’s one of the worst games on the NES shitty. This games biggest problem is when you play as the Planeteers you get hit once you die and your flying Planeteer mobile (I don’t remember the actual name for it) is a BIG target. Add in the fact the game wants you to shove this BIG TARGET in between some REALLY TIGHT AREAS and you got some very annoying shit. The game gets much better when you get to play as Captain Planet. the levels are mostly designed a bit better and you get to use all the Planeteer’s powers. If this game was just the Captain Planet stuff I think the game would be thought of a bit more positively or maybe I’ve just gone nuts. I don’t know and I don’t care.

Portnoyd is going to have a field day with this one as it’s a Rare (as in the company because you can easily find this game everywhere. You could probably pop open a grave in a fucking graveyard and find a copy of a this game in the casket. It is everywhere) I remember buying this for like $5 maybe? I don’t know but I do believe I found it early in my NES buying back in the late 1990s/early 00s. I can’t believe that was almost 25 years ago. God I’m old. Anyway this game hurts my eyes. Just something about it all just hurts my old eyes. I don’t know if it hurt my eyes back then also or not. I just find it hard to focus on this games style and I always end up dying quickly. I do not enjoy playing this game and I will leave it there.

Good Games: 53

Bad Games: 43

Okay games: 11

More Bitching And Moaning about the Popularity of Retro Games and YouTube Retro Gamers and Maybe Some NES game Reviews if you are good.

 Well, I’m gonna try to keep to my word of using Twitter less. Twitter is a place where I just end up being depressed and feeling shitty after I use it. Maybe if I didn’t go into yelling at dopey hardcore conservatives I’d feel better but I doubt it. Anyway it’s time to review 6 more NES games and finally finish off the Letter B.

Yes, I am in fact going to bitch about how much this game costs. It is not rare. There are 2 pages of copies, many that are complete on eBay right now. Rare is something you see one every 5 years. Rare is that thing that if you see it you pick it up. Rare is not something that has TWO FUCKING PAGES on eBay. A part of me wants to collect old Retro Games, but only the ones I owned or rented as a child and get them CIB and seeing Bucky O Hare for the NES complete goes for like 500-700 bucks makes my head spin. I am putting all of this blame on the first YouTuber who showed people where to go to find this stuff easily, which was Pat the NES Punk with his shitty Flea Market Madness, you then got SO MANY FUCKERS doing the same thing! I even enjoyed some of these videos at one point! I actually watch them now just to listen to them complain! Yeah you know why that flea market vendor wants $200 for that Super NES and 12 sports games? It’s because he thinks what he has is fucking gold because games THAT ARE NOT RARE I WILL NOT LET YOU FUCKERS TELL ME BUCKY O HARE IS RARE. I DID NOT HAVE TO FUCKING BUY THIS GAME OFF EBAY OR ANYTHING. I GOT IT IN ST JOHNS NEWFOUNDLAND. ANY GAME THAT WAS FOUND THERE CAN NO LONGER BE CONSIDERED RARE. THIS IS A FACT. NEWFOUNDLAND IS A DAMN ISLAND IN THE MOST RANDOM ASS PLACE AND THIS GAME GOT HERE EASILY. EASILY. I remember renting the damn thing! It’s not rare. Fuck Youtube Game shit and fuck me for still watching it. I guess I will now finally review this game and holy shit did Konami make one of the BEST LICENSED GAMES. As in games based on a license. Bucky O Hare was a comic created by Larry Hama and Michael Golden in the 1980s. It then became a cartoon after TMNT hit big. I remember having tons of the toys and enjoyed the cartoon even if it didn’t last long. It was a cool cartoon show! The game has great graphics, great music, a lot of really great level design (some of it kinda sucks but most is still pretty well done) and honestly a mostly fair challenge (again some points are very not well done) It’s a game very much worth playing, just don’t fucking pay $120 for it. If you pay that much for this NOT RARE FUCKING GAME I will punch you in the dick. If you do not have a penis I will glue one on you to punch it. Do not pay the price you fuck.

Ahhhh the Looney Tunes, the greatest group of cartoon characters from the Golden Age of Animation. I don’t think anyone will ever argue against that fact, unless they are a contrarian fucker. Portnoyd is a fucker who’s wrong a lot but I don’t think he’s a contrarian fucker. Anyway I either had or rented this game a LOT as a youngster. It was Bugs FUCKING Bunny for fuck sake and I don’t know what it’s like now but just about every flea market vendor that had more than 3 NES games for sale had a copy of this game. Like it was EVERYWHERE. I remember getting it again very quickly and easily. It’s admittedly a very janky and probably quickly rushed out game to get out in 1990 for Bugs Bunny 50th anniversary at the time. However, I don’t care what the Angry Video Game Nerd or anyone else says. I still like this game and think it’s mostly fun to play. It can have some hard moments in it but by the time you get to those moments you’ll have like 9,000 fucking lives that beating them shouldn’t be hard at all. The music in this game is seared into my brain and I will never be able to not hear it.

I love the fact that this simple puzzle game has SO many licenses attached to it. It was originally Roger Rabbit in Japan, then easily became a reskinned Bugs Bunny. I believe it has connections to a Mickey Mouse game, a Garfield game, the Real Ghostbusters and even Woody Woodpecker. That’s a wild group of characters isn’t it? This game was another game I rented a lot as a kid (or I owned a copy. I don’t know. this was nearly 35 fucking years ago, give me a fucking break) I just remember that it actually took me some time to aquire a copy of it when I collected games. I was very happy when I found a copy and pretty sure I went home and beat this game easily. This game is very easy. Very very easy. Maybe a few levels later on being hard but it’s easy to beat. I beat it then, left it soak for decades and then beat it again for the NES Bounty. I haven’t played the game since but I get the feeling I’ll come back to it again. It’s a simple, charming little affair that I enjoy playing.

Vic Tokai is a very underrated video game company. I am a big fan of a lot of their games. I also like how it’s just a guys name. Like that’s just a name of a Japanese dude. VICTOR TOKAI. Anyway, Bump N Jump is a very simple game. You drive in a car and you jump over areas to get to the next driving area. You can also jump on other cars or bump them into the wall. It’s a simple situation but CAN and DOES get very hard. I’ve never gotten past like stage 5 or 6 in this game. I’m still a really big fan of it though. It’s just simple fun arcade like action. It’s like a lot of NES games, it’s a simple concept just done really well. You’ll have a good time with Bump N Jump.

KID is a great company. They made games for Taxan and Capcom and Taito. I will praise all of their games very highly. This is one of the best shoot em up games on the NES. I love it. The graphics and music are great. The challenge is hard but mostly fair (I still have to beat this game but have gotten to the last boss before). If you like rooty tooty shooty games then Burai Fighter is a worthwile one. The game does try to change it up in some levels and change what you have to do and search and find something and I don’t really like those levels but other than that I will always say positive things about Burai Fighter. I am not very good at reviewing NES games.

Well this is the first group of games where I like every single game that I reviewed, at least I believe so. I wondered if I would find a set of five games where I reviewed them all pretty highly or at least decently well. Every game in this set of six games will get put in the good games list. I don’t know what others thing about Burger Time for the NES but I love it. In fact I like it more than the arcade game. I’m just more used to the NES game and the arcade game is just a tad bit different. It’s a game where you play a chef trying to makre burgers and living food like sausages and eggs want to kill you. It’s a weird game but I like it. It has like six or so levels before it repeats over and over again. I like to think I’m pretty decent at the game too so that’s a good thing. Final thing since I doubt I’m ever going to review every Game Boy game I will say that Burger Time Deluxe for the Game Boy is a game worth getting. I just like Burger Time. It’s a game Pat the NES Punk and Mr. Depressing (Ian) are wrong about. They probably like eating paint chips. The jerks. (this is also game #100! Woo!!!)

More fun to come!

Good games: 51

Bad Games: 39

Okay games: 10

NES GAMES COOL I THINK SO YEAH!

 As of right now, I’m hoping to quit using Twitter or X or whatever it was called. I went back stupidly for two reasons, some people I like used it for whatever reason AND I wanted to see how long it would take for Melon Husk to ruin the shithole. Surprisingly it is still up but it seems to be falling apart. It just does not do any good for my already shitty mental health. Twitter just helps put me in a worse mood and most of the time I’m already in a crummy mood due to stuff I don’t want to mention. I’ve made my points about the state of the POPULAR CULTURE CULTURE WAR that’s big on YouTube and Twitter. You know my feelings on the word woke and all that garbage.

So what does that mean, it means I’m going to be posting on this stupid blog a LOT more. A LOT more. Bringing back old concepts and all that. So let’s get through the B games in these next few posts!

Boulder Dash is a game that I want to like more than I do. It’s one of those action puzzle games, like Lolo or Kickle Cubicle. Kinda like those mixed with Dig Dug. You have to dig and figure out ways to kill enemies and all that, and I dig those games a whole lot. Anyway the real problem this game has for me is that it’s REALLY FUCKING HARD. At least I believe it is. I’ve tried to go back to this game and beat it many times, many many times, for at least 15 years now and I cannot get past stage 2-1. That’s as far as I can get into this game. The stuff the game wants you to do the kill the enemies to get the gems is just TOO FUCKIN MUCH for me. I can’t call this a bad game as I’m sure I will go back to it again I can’t say it’s one I’m very good at.

Break Time, it’s Pool. I’m sure you expect me to freak out about having to discuss Pool games but, there were only like 3 and I remember that I actually enjoyed one of them. I don’t know which one of those it was but I do remember enjoying it and felt it did it well. It was simple and easy to pick up for someone who has never actually played Pool. I could actually get somewhere in it and enjoyed myself. The game I remember liking was not this one but playing this game again I have ot admit that it’s a well done Pool game. I am not good at it, but I cannot tell you that if you like Pool and NES Games that you shouldn’t give this game a shot. It’s still probably a game you’d find in a $2-5 range if you actually buy NES games in this market like a sucker. Get a everdrive loser! Anyway, this does the Pool thing and does it pretty well. Give it a shot.

You know what when reviewing this batch of games, the new number of six, I realized I had missed one and had to reformat this entire article. It’s not hard to forget about Breakthru. If you were to look up the word “okay” in the dictionary you’d find Breakthru. It’s an unremarkable game that does things okayly. It won’t wow you, it won’t make you angry. You’ll probably forget you even played it if you play a lot of other games. I think it might be the most okay game ever made. It sets out to do what it wants to do in the most mundane manner. It won’t amaze you with it’s graphics or music or anything. It’s just “yeah that’s a game and it existed and I think I beat it, gotta go check” If you beat Breakthru you’ll have to put it on the list because you’ll never remember that you did or not. It’s just it doesn’t do anything really awful either. It just exists and is a thing. Sometimes I feel like I am Breakthru for the NES. I exist and am a thing.

Bubble Bath Babes is an interesting game. It’s a unique game. It’s an unlicensed game. It’s a very rare game. It’s also a god damn piece of shit. The unique/interesting stuff is well, it’s titties on the NES. Real ass titties! They are done as nicely as you can do for 8-bit Graphics. I can at least see someone getting a boner over this unlike the Atari Porn games. They made 3 games and they were incredibly hard to find. This game also god redone as Mermaids of Atlantis. I don’t know which is first and I don’t care because both are awful garbage and I hate them. This is a Tetris like clone and I just find it weird how awful it is and how badly they botched an easy thing like that. Some times it’s just impossible to connect anything and it just gets harder! So easy to fill up a screen with shit that never connects! Fuck this game. In the asshole.

Now here we have a stone cold classic. An arcade classic made into a really great little NES game. You play as Bub (or Bob) and have to fight through 100 levels and beat monsters by trapping them in bubbles and jump on them. It’s thrilling action packed fun. Okay yeah some levels are annoying and poorly thought out but the most of them are good to play through, the graphics are pretty great and the music is too. The only problem is that you need a second player to actually get an ending with this game, I almost got to the end with someone a long time ago and we never beat it. It’s just not a good idea to do that. Unless the internet lied to me and you CAN beat the game and get a good ending with just one player. I should play it again anyway, it’s a fun game.

I don’t know what the consensus is on this game if people like it more or less than the original. I just know that it’s another rare game that people never seem to actual talk about just talk about how rare it is, which yes I will complain about for every single even remotely rare game out there (and most of these games are not as rare as you think, something rare is something you see once every 3 years on eBay, something that you’ll never see again, not something that has like probably 40 copies on eBay for a crazy price. And unlike other games that rose in crazy prices this game always ALWAYS was 80 plus. I guess the Bubble Bobble name was still popular then and now it’s like YEAH I’LL GET YOUTUBE CRED FOR MY SHITTY YOUTUBE RETRO GAMING SHOW THAT SUCKS ASS for owning this game and spending who knows how much on it. Is this up in like the 700 range now or what? or did it just stop at 200 like it was for like ever, or at least when I was collecting. This was one of the rare titles I never had because I could never ever feel like spending 200 bucks on it.) Now for the actual review. I actually like this game better than the original. I like the graphics more, I like the music more, I like the levels more (although some are still “why did you do this you jerk?” kind of level design) and the addition of bosses is a welcomed one. Every 10 levels is a neat boss you have to fight. I’m a fan of Bubble Bobble Part 2 and I wish I had at least been able to say I owned it at one point but alas.

Good Games: 45

Bad Games: 39

Okay Games: 10

6 more games until game 100!!!! WOAH@!!!!!

The Comic Review #92: America #1-2

 

This post is like a sequel of sorts to the last post. No, as you can clearly see from this image it is NOT another Rippaverse comic. This is clearly something made by Marvel. In 2017? or 2016? People started getting angry at Marvel Comics for including more characters that weren’t white dudes. Several characters had died (like they do in comic books) and were replaced by characters who were like Asian and black and all that. They’ve been doing stories where one character replaces another for a little while going alllll the way back to the 1970s with Steve Englehart and Captain America. It’s honestly a good way to introduce a new spinoff character and I liked all of those that I read. Like genuinely liked them. Want to try to find the original issues liked them. I thought the new characters like Ironheart and the Nadia Van Dyne Wasp were very entertaining and fun to read. I was having a ball reading all this new stuff. I stopped because buying more than like 5 new comics at a time is a literal money sink and you can get better value by buying trades and stuff but it was legit fun for me.

So I guess in their minds I am woke, whatever the hell it means. Does that mean I won’t freak out over a random panel of a comic book taken out of context and yell and scream about it because it has maybe the slightest tinge of political-ness to it. (Most of them are weird and cringy but I could literally find a ton of weird and cringy panels that would misrepresent a lot of really enjoyable comic books) or am I woke because I won’t listen to a old man youtuber yell and scream about how say The Marvels or Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny are woke because they have a lady character in them. I might be misremebering but Indiana Jones had a lady character in every single fucking movie he was in well except Last Crusade. I think. All of them were lively fun characters. Hell the lady in Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny was one of the reasons I thought the movie was fun. She was clearly trying, so was the kid actor. Harrison Ford was 79-80 filming that movie and clearly doesn’t care about acting like he used too. That’s two reasons why a lot of the Indy based action was just okay. the fact that movie was okay is a fucking miracle. The Marvels I actually really adored and thought was the first Marvel Movie I’ve seen since Thor Ragnarok that I’d rate over 3.5 stars and the first one since that one that was actually legit funny too. Maybe I’d consider Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny one of the worst things ever filmed if I didn’t willingly watch movies that were made by people who should have been put in a mental ward for fun. I don’t think screaming WOKE is good criticism and it never will be. Ever.

So why did I decide on this comic again? Well it was because it was one that I read back then and didn’t like, at all. So I want to see the entire thing as a whole, see where I really lie with the entire product and see how it was. So America Chavez was a character created in 2011. She’s still new-ish especially when you realize the comics I read were made pre 1990 in most cases. She was created by Joe Casey and Nick Dragotta. She appeared in Young Avengers (which was pretty good and probably why I picked this comic out), The Ultimates (not by Mark Millar but by someone who isn’t a edgelord goober) A-Force and West Coast Avengers by Kelly Thompson. I like that Kelly Thompson, she’s very talented.

Anyway how is issue #1: It starts out with America Chavez and the Ultimates (Blue Adam, Black Panther, Monica Rambeau and Captain Marvel fighting a crazy alien energy being. America Chavez beats it with one punch and they end up leaving. She’s actually surprised and internally worried (she’s one of those cool customer characters that never let on that they are scared shitless) she then goes to her girlfriend and they have some relationship trouble (her girlfriend doesnt want to go to the college so far away) the college is called Sotamayer University. I think thats one of those Supreme Court people. People complained about this but I see no problem with it. Buildings and places and everything is named after politicals of every stripe. It’s not a terrible thing.

Another thing they complained about was America having two mothers (who sacrificed themselves to save the multiverse) and I’m like she’s a weird alien multiverse character person who can punch holes into other multiverses and I honestly like that kinda crazy comic book stuff. It’s one of those things that can only happen in a comic book like radioactive spiders giving you superpowers. Go wild with that shit. They sadly retconned it and I was happier with multiverse lesbians because I like wild ass ideas that just go where ever the hell they please. She meets Prodigy a ex-mutant and ex-Young Avenger. He solves the problem (she had just randomly walked into her class late and they were doing a hologram stimulation thing and if you got hurt in it you got hurt for real. She also wrote possibly the worst piece of dialogue I’ve ever seen in anything. “What in the Holy Menstruation” Yes. That’s here. And it’s bad.

Then she finds out that Prodigy has been working on a time machine and just jumps right in and yes she goes back to World War II to punch Hitler in the face. Weird that he’s just randomly on the battlefield. So it’s time for issue #2 she ends up meeting Peggy Carter (because why not. She’s already had Captain America, Kate Bishop Hawkeye, Prodigy and The Ultimates already in issue #1) Anyway she actually tells America that she fucked up as they were trying to capture Hitler or something. Maybe kill him. Way to take the fun out of a Hitler Punch, Peggy you jerk. Anyway she gets America to come with her. Then tells her she knows about her somehow. Then Nazis drill into the hidey hole they went into and America punches a multiverse hole and just goes home. Then she saves some random Preppies who were trying to mess with the hologram of Sonia Sotomayor. She wasn’t a fan of that. Anyway some cool 1990s freaky ass mixed race lesbian gang comes by and tells her that she’s gonna miss that freaky smart 9 year old and her dinosaur! That’s right Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur are here baby!

Moon Girl talks about being great and then gives people a project on how to make themselves even better. Tells them to create a prototype even, so America teams up with the lesbian leader of the gang and mentions how she can now travel in time too but she cant pick where shes going and that’s whats keeping her from being GREAT. So they start trying to work on it and a trash can comes flying into the room. The preppies are actually cyborgs and America and the cool 1990s Freaky ass mixed race lesbian gang have to fight them. Lunella hacks into the cyborgs and they get turned off. Now it turns out that the girl from the first issue that America saved and is now mad that she didnt get a friend request back kidnapped her girlfriend and now America has to fight the America Guerrillas.

These two comic books were weird and wild but holy shit were they all over the place. The dialogue was over the place too, some of it was great, some of it was way too on point to feel real and some was just downright shit garbage. I mean anyone is right to make fun of the line What in the Holy Menstruation. It’s a very stupid line to put in there. I cannot defend it. I will not defend it. However, unlike Isom #1-2, this comic feels like someone was at least passionate about it and not passionate about it making money from gullible goobers. I really really like the art by Joe Quinones. It’s nice and clean but still very expressive and entertaining. I also like how exicited this lady clearly was to use a lot of the Marvel characters. I can’t really get angry at her or the comic because well if somehow I got to write for Marvel you’d see a lot of random weird old characters no one cared about come back, some that only appeared maybe once. Just pop back up again because I dig the weird and obscure characters and find them fun. My story would also be all over the place and the dialogue would be too, I would probably also come up with something worse than Holy Menstruation. I would say that despite enjoying it a bit more this time I still can’t say I’m a big fan, but for whatever reason I do want to keep on reading so you’ll probably see reviews of America #3-4 sometime soon. I think a co-writer would have worked in this series’ favor. The story is just a bit too all over the place for me. It just feels like a simple story got made more complicated because the writer was just too excited to be doing a Marvel Comic. I’ve read better but I’ve certainly read worse. Still I’d be giving this comic a Not Recommended, but if something about it interests you then I can’t exactly stop you from checking it out.

Random Thoughts Volume Who the Hell Knows.

 Hey, remember when I used to do this? I do at least. It was me taking 3 or 4 or whatever number of random thoughts that were crashing around in my brain that I want to get out of there and onto paper. or internet blog paper. Whatever, you know what I’m talking about I gotta get this shit outta my head and this is the best way for me to do it.

Anyway I was posting on twitter or at least reading twitter (yes port I know and yes I am going to try to give it up again.) and someone was arguing about comics and “bad writing” and then ends up bringing up Shakespeare. I forget the whole context of the tweets now but he was angry that Marvel Comics finally let Chris Claremont’s original idea of Mystique and Destiny be Nightcrawlers parents because of the shapeshifting power Mystique has. In my mind the people arguing this is bad writing are just angry at gay people because I know these twitter weirdos and I know they haven’t even read the entire comic book and I’m guessing they haven’t read Shakespeare or any of the other writers he mentioned. I’m going to come out and be completely honest with you all, I’ve read one Shakespeare play and I didn’t like it. It was Romeo and Juliet. I was thirteen. It was forced on me at school. I liked when random Shakespeare characters appeared in Gargoyles, the Disney cartoon but I never ever cared to read another Shakespeare play. I think my problem that I don’t think I’ll ever get over is how they talk like they did in 1483 or whenever the hell it was originally written. The themes and ideas still work, you’ve seen a movie or read a book that was basically Romeo and Juliet without the THOU ART and WHILST and 15th Century talk but how many people do you seriously believe in this day and age actually read and care about the original text? How many people just use the name as a way to feel more intelligent? I’m sure it’s an insane amount. Just like the people who also just go with the rest of humanity and say “this unpopular thing was bad!” instead of trying to give the thing a shot. I’m sure there’s a lot of that there too. Anyway It just pisses me off.

Here’s another thing to chew on. Stories are subjective. Not Objective. Yeah maybe some things are better done and all that but if every movie or tv show was objective we wouldn’t have ANY arguments on these things. Ever. I can’t stand The Big Bang Theory but people love that shit. Anyway this is just me saying that I’m gonna try to say I’m not a fan of something instead of saying it sucks or it’s bad, and liking or disliking something doesn’t make someone intelligent or dumb.

Also what good is intelligence anyway? I’m not going to go out and say I’m a genius, I’m not, but I’m smart enough to know that I cannot fix any of the huge problems this world has. Like world hunger, or mental illness, or climate change, or wealth inequality. any of those things. I can at best protest but that will only work if enough people do it. People do it and maybe a small thing get fixed. Look at children, that’s when people are there happiest. I’m intelligent enough to know that I can’t fix shit and that makes me feel helpless and depressed. Wonderful.

Talking about politics on the internet is stupid and will not fix any issues. Calling Elon Musk a stupid doodie head (he is one to be fair) but that ain’t gonna fix wealth inequality or anything.

Life kinda sucks a lot of the time so enjoy whatever the hell it is that makes you happy weither it be Mr. Belevedere or eating chips or hiking. Just have fun with this shit whenever you can.