So all of you jerks who said I wouldnt get past the A’s are WRONG. I am going to talk about all of these games. All of them. This is the easiest blog posts I can make. I don’t have to watch anything, read anything or do anything except remember these games and I’ve played the majority of them. One hiccup will be explained soon but I’ll review those games even if I have to buy them and a damn power pad!
Astyanax is yet another game that reminds me of the very early days of collecting NES games. I don’t know why I bought it because holy shit the cover art is kinda goofy. Okay, I love the dragon. He’s kinda awesome but the dude looks so goofy. Anyway It was like $5 at a store that I don’t dare go into any more because I’d have a freak out if I saw the price for Astyanax now. Way more because finding this stuff in Newfoundland now has to be hard as hell. Astyanax was the perfect $5 game. Or the perfect rental. You would bring it home, play the game, enjoy it and then forget about it for like 15-20 years. The game is a simple platformer where you fight all kinds of cool monsters. The levels are well thought out and you fight big and bold monsters as a big and bold sprite. This won’t hit your top 150 but you’ll still be glad you played it. The only problem comes from the big sprite, sometimes you will hit something you shouldn’t because of it. That’s all I can really say in negative qualities about this game. It’s one of the many “pretty good but not great” NES games. I have fond memories of it and it will still make me smile.
Here’s another game based around Greek history? I think Greek. Astyanax has something to do with the city of Troy but I don’t care enough to look it up. Athena is some kind of Goddess I think. I’m a NES game reviewer, not a theologian. This is another game made by Micronics and it just might be the worst they ever did. I hate Micronics more than any other game publisher. Even Ocean was more enjoyable. The best Micronics game is still at best awkward and probably has a better port anywhere else. This game is the jankiest piece of shit possible. You have to power up and wow they have power down items mixed in too which is annoying in any fucking game. This game is stupid and terrible but it’s somewhat noteworthy at least the Arcade version was one of the first games where you could play as a lady. Neat. Anyway the NES version has terrible everything except graphics. I actually like these cartoony graphics. Too bad the controls, sound, enemy placement, enemies themselves, everything is too annoying to bother with.
Here comes the hiccup, I had forgotten about the Power Pad (even though I might still own one) and the Power Pad games are like some of the 11 games I have never ever ever played. I will come back to them but I think I have to own the games and swallowing the fact I will have to pay $10 for a game that people would give the fuck away. You can say it’s only $10 but I could buy several comic books for that money. Things I would like to own over Athletic World. Anyway, I will be skipping over these games for right now because I can’t get the emulator to work with power pad stuff either and man playing a game that way would be so annoying too. So expect those 11 games as like a two part article at the end or something. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes has one hell of a interesting history. It’s based on a series of weird horror movie parody films from the 1970s to 1992. Then they made a cartoon for Fox Kids that I still haven’t seen anything related to it(I really like the movies. Fun goofery and they have the original live action Gomez Addams, John Astin in them!) Anyway this game is fucking horrendous. Probably the worst game being mentioned in this part. Either that or Athena. It has some annoying graphics, annoying controls, the levels themselves are just poorly designed and poorly thought out. You’ll be screaming HOW THE FUCK WAS ANYONE MEANT TO ENJOY THIS? Somehow despite being annoying and weird it’s also very short so when you get used to the games shittiness you’ll beat it very quickly. So at least the terribleness will be over quickly.
We have our first Zapper only game (I think?) and first NES game brought to us by Color Dreams. I will probably be nicer to this game than I will be to most of their other games. It’s a passable “OKAY” game. It will not change the world. It will not top the list of Zapper games (either full on Zapper games or ones that can use a Zapper like Bayou Billy). You can do what the game wants you but it’s never that frantic or crazy like other Zapper games get. I really don’t know what else to say here. This game does what it sets out to do OKAY enough. This is totally one of the most OKAY things in existence. It won’t make you scream for more and it won’t make you want to cut your balls off in frustration. It’s probably the second best Color Dreams/Bunch Games/Wisdom Tree game. Wild huh?
I think people overrate this games badness. Yes, it’s a messy awful game that isn’t much fun. You play through the same stage like at least 10 times that are broken up by 3 mini games that aren’t fun to play and you have to beat to pass on. 3 mini games that literally punish you so quickly and harshly for a simple mistake. However, I’d play this over many many other NES games that I consider way fucking worse (including this games sequel). I’d play this over Athena and Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. This is just boring although the fact you get ONE chance at the last level before you get pushed back to the beginning is the largest pile of horse shit ever shovelled into a NES cart. Holy shit that garbage is mean.
The rankings now are!
Good Games: 22
Bad Games: 14
Okay Games: 4
See you! Have fun!
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