You know I thought it would be a long long time before I came across a worse Christmas movie than Last Ounce of Courage. I thought it would be years, maybe never finding one. However the very next movie I watched is somehow worse. I decided because I'm watching all kinds of shitty disliked Christmas movies to watch Christmas With the Kranks. I don't know why I did it but I did it. Anyway this movie has been considered "shit garbage" for a very long time and I've been curious about it for a very long time. the 2000s were not the prettiest time for comedy films. Boy howdy.
Before I go anywhere else can I say how sad it is that Dan Aykroyd went from literal star of a bunch of really great or really fun comedies to just being the guy who shows up in random movies. Also Tom Poston deserved better as I think this might have been his last movie. Oh and this might be the first movie I don't like M Emmett Walsh in. I love him even when he's being the biggest monster of a person but this movie he simply doesn't care. The man acted his heart out in so many movies. He'll he's still doing it at 86 years old, but this movie was just too much.
The very first problem here is that I am not a fan of Timothy Allen. Never have been. It's pretty much the one reason I've put off watching Galaxy Quest even thought it seems like a fun movie. I was not a fan of Home Improvement as a child and a recent re-watch of some episodes didn't do anything to make me a fan as an adult. He did one thing I've ever liked and that was voice Buzz Lightyear in the Toy Story films. Other than that he always very much bothered me. Jamie Lee Curtis I've always liked but sometimes like in this movie she can kinda end up just feeling like she is sleepwalking through a role. Not a lot of fun to watch.
The second problem is that I really don't like this premise. A family says good bye to their daughter who is leaving for the Peace Corps and decides to not do Christmas this year. Oh heavens they want to choose to not to celebrate for one year. However all of their neighbors are stupid fucking jerks who feel they get to decide what you do with your holidays. I'd hate to be of a different religion around these intolerant fuckers. There's no joke a great black comedy full of gallows humor to be had here but no we have to do the wacky shtick which isn't Timothy Allen's strong point. Also all kinds of jokes that don't fit in with the rather weak premise. Timothy Allen gets botox for some reason. It's a really bad scene and I don't want anyone to ever watch it. Promise me that you won't.
So the daughter comes home and they have to work to do the Christmas thing ON CHRISTMAS EVE! OH MAN! You know they could try fun montages or something but nope not even gonna try anymore. Even though it wasn't trying at all. A character from literally the first few minutes of the film that I forgot about comes to Jamie Lee Curtis and talks to her even though she doesn't know who he is. She invites him to the Christmas Party because why not have a creepy weirdo at your house! Oh man it seems everything is wrapped up! The foods been cooked and Blair has no idea that her parents were going to gasp SKIP CHRISTMAS. Anyway they have to make this a hour and 38 minutes so the kid from Malcolm in the Middle lets a criminal loose in their house! This just might be the laziest "oh shit we need something else to happen because the movies too short" thing I've ever seen. Ever. Lol the creepy weirdo guy ends up being Santa Claus despite not being a fat jolly man. I don't like when movies don't show Santa as a fat jolly man. I don't care if you change his race or anything but damnit the man's a big fella. Don't skimp on that. Yeah at the last minute it just turns out that this random throwaway character that I had forgotten about literally turns out to be Santa. It's the laziest reveal of OH SHIT THAT GUY WAS ACTUALLY SANTA EVER.
FINAL VERDICT: Talented people worked on this movie. They really did. It's just not a concept that works. You either have to make the people skipping Christmas into assholes or the people forcing them to have Christmas into crazy assholes. It might MAYBE work as a black comedy film but they weren't going to do that with Timothy Allen. A shame but hey, maybe the next movie will be good.
The 2000s gave us a lot of pure cheese. I think it was just a bad time for certain actors as they were in their gimme a check ohase, combined with a late 90s hangover led to just crap.
ReplyDeleteGalaxy Quest is great. A seriously great movie. Tim Allen is a bozo but the rest of the cast is incredible. Not a lot of movies have both Alan Rickman and Sam Rockwell.
This concept works if it's done not Disney style. This clearly was. The concept needs to be done without training wheels on or bumpers on the movie lanes. Sidebets this concept is revisited in 5 years but done properly?
I do want to see Galaxy Quest. I will see it soon enough.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't be surprised if they try it again. This decade is looking like "hey didn't you enjoy every decade of film/tv/comics/books/radio/whatever well we're bringing it back!!!"
Yeah unfortunately. They should stop making new things entirely (including anything remade, revived or rebooted). We have enough content to last the rest of our lives. Enough plz.
ReplyDeletethey won't make money that way so expect to hate all that content because it has been pumped back to you 8000 times in the next twenty years.
ReplyDelete