Movie Review #47: Amityville Dollhouse (1996)

 

I've always had a soft spot for this franchise. It reminds me of one of my old classmates named Adam White from St. Paul's Junior High way back in late 1990s. I remember I would talk up all the horror films I watched in our little class of special ed students (I was there because I was very lazy and didn't want to be in school. I don't really want to get into any more right now) and he mentioned this movie to me. So I went and found pretty much every movie in that series that was available to rent in my area. Amityville II: The Haunting was the one that took the longest for me to watch. Actually Amityville: A New Generation was the one that took me the longest to watch because I still haven't seen it. It was one I could have rented though. Not a single video store had part II. Which is still really weird because it was probably one of the best entries.

So this movie is based around some real life events so I figure we might as well discuss them because it feels weird that we don't. On November 21st, 1974. Ronald DeFeo Jr. killed his father, mother, two sisters and two brothers. It doesn't stop there. In December of 1975 the Lutz Family decides to move in. They last about 18 days before they leave the house due to ghostly happenings. It becomes a huge fucking thing and books and talk shows go hog wild for it. In 1979 American International Pictures puts out the original film. 

The Amityville Horror is a weird franchise in that it honestly is two franchises in one. You have the one that has some attempts to feel like they are in the same franchise and you have the movies made after 2011. You see Amityville is the name of a town and you cannot copyright or patent that. So ANYONE can use the name Amityville for their movie regardless of how well it connects to the rest. That's how there are twenty five fucking Amityville movies. I am going to make an Amityville movie. It will be called Amityville Anal Fucker. It will take place no where near Amityville and won't even be a haunted house film. It will be about a guy who just likes to fuck people up the ass. 

So how does Amityville Dollhouse, the 8th film in the franchise stack up? Well I loved it. I really enjoyed the three movies where some random item from the Amityville house is given to someone and it causes havok. They had to do this because in the 3rd movie I believe the damn house explodes or something. They were all about "YEAH THIS IS THE LAST MOVIE IN THIS HORROR FRANCHISE REALLY TOTALLY GUYS" until they realized they could make more money with them. Face it Hollywood snob types. People dig this shit and I'm gonna say it, horror movies are better than most oscar winners. Most oscar winners are boring horseshit for people who enjoy the smell of their own farts. Fuck em.

This movie has EVERYTHING. It's got a zombie dad coming back from the grave (and looking worse each time he shows up). Your usual hapless dad, a small doll house of the Amityville house (it looks so cute!), evil demons, pseudo-incest, the mean sister from That 70s Show.  A giant mouse, demons, a biker dude who deals in magic that stops demons, a weird nerdy kid, a totally to cool for school 1990s Gen X teenager cool fucking effects, weird looking bugs, it's a one stop shop! It's very entertaining. All of that stuff gets some time to shine and honestly the acting is good, the characters are a lot of fun and I just dug the hell out of this silly ass movie.

There's really nothing new about the plot. The stepdad finds the Amityville Dollhouse and it starts to fuck up his family. The mother now wants to write Step by Step erotic fanfiction. The dad is coming back to the nerdy kid trying to get him to kill the stepdad. The biker and the stepdad's sister are magical psychic weirdos who talk about chakras. They think something is up with the dollhouse. You know, your usual haunted house shenanigans. It's just the strength of the acting and budget for cool shit to happen that makes this movie fun. 

FINAL VERDICT: This movie is very 1990s and I can't deny that there's nostalgia here but I believe there's enough spooky fun for this to be a movie you should watch this Halloween. I'm sure I will end up discussing one of the 16 Amityville Horror movies that have been made between 2011 and 2021. It will not be fun.