The Final Episode #68: Dungeons and Dragons (1983 - 1985)

 

From now on every few posts I will be taking a show request from my discord and or Facebook group! That's right! You can now enjoy me talking about something you picked out! For the inaugural show I choose Dungeons and Dragons a Saturday Morning Cartoon from the 1980s. It was a pick from Orville. Shout out to Orville! I like his name and all the memes he posts. He's a pretty swell dude. I would eat a pizza with him. I mean I'd share a pizza with anyone but still it's the thought that counts, damnit! Anyway I picked this show for two reasons, I like it and think it's fun AND I get to complain about something from Twitter. I will post that in the next paragraph.

So a week ago? Time is weird when it comes to people complaining about "woke" stuff, I'll just say a week or so ago, Ernie Gary Gygax Jr supposedly said some racist stuff about Native Americans on a podcast. I don't listen to this podcast because the only thing I care about related to Dungeons and Dragons is the cartoon. And maybe Mazes and Monsters I say maybe with that movie because I haven't actually seen it but it sounds wild. So people got angry at his comments because well it's Twitter. Of course Conservatives ran to defend Ernie's right to yell about those damn Natives. It was a big thing for like half a day and then apparently Ernie apologized for his comments. That's good. Anyway I don't know why I mentioned this shit but yeah here it is. Enjoy. hardcore conservatives have ruined the internet. Not that Web 2.0 was ever that good.

Uh, ok enough comments about twitter and stuff I mostly just posted to annoy Portnoyd/Dave W. It's always a fun time in my comments section. Dungeons and Dragons was created by Gary Gygax in like 1974. It's a fantasy RPG game and that's all I know about it. I've never played this game because it seems to complicated for my dopey ass. I'll just watch the cartoon and maybe Mazes and Monsters. So in 1983 Marvel Productions made their fourth cartoon which was this one. Pretty wild huh? Anyway several people worked on this show Kevin Paul Coates, Dennis Marks and Takashi. They created it and Mark Evanier developed it for TV. Mark Evanier is a name you will hear many times on this blog because that dude had his hand in anything and everything. The Man is a writing machine and always did a good job.

The animation company that worked on this show was Toei animation. That's right the Dragon Ball people. Also the Sailor Moon people. And the Saint Seiya people. Those are the only anime I actually recongize from the big list of animes they worked on. Oh and the Pirate one that's like 12,000 episodes long. I think it's like the longest darn anime out there. I think it finally finished up too, maybe I'll have to talk about that Final Episode because it sounds pretty wild. Anyway Toei animated stuff for Hanna-Barbera, Rankin/Bass, Sunbow, DiC and lastly Marvel. They worked on an insane amount of shows and it would take like two paragraphs to tell you everything they worked on.

I have just HAVE to talk about the voice cast for this series, which is something I honestly should be doing more because well a cartoon isn't very good without voice acting. Anyway This show had a fucking WEIRD voice cast. Yeah it had Peter Cullen and Frank Welker but every cartoon in the 1980s had them in it. That's pretty damn normal. No what's weird is the fact Willie Aames from Charles in Charge and something called Bibleman (yes if I can find any of this show I will discuss it for you on this blog) voiced a character the main hero Hank, the Ranger. Yeah that's some wild shit. I like Willie Aames and the movie Zapped even if Scott Baio is a dope. Don Most, yes Ralph Malph from Happy Days voiced Eric the spoiled douchebag kid, who is also my favorite character. One of the kids from Eight is Enough voiced Presto the Magician who is another character I like. Sidney Miller an old timey actor who started acting in 1931 did the voice for Dungeon Master. I don't know about you but that's a pretty wild cast.

The concept of the show is pretty simple and works very well. While riding a theme park ride six kids are brought to the world of Dungeons and Dragons. Did this happen to other kids prior? or after? I really think it would have been neat for a one off episode where they meet some other kids. Did Dungeon Master pick these kids? Are these questions actually answered within the cartoon and I'm just over thinking a fun fantasy action cartoon from the 1980s? That is probably the right answer. Anyway they have to fight a evil bad guy named Venger and other crazy fantasy things. They also have a unicorn friend. He's a cutie. I like him. 

I remember watching this show being shown on Fox Kids. They would show reruns sometime around 1999 to 2000. It was the last show before the boring horseshit would come on and I would turn on the Super Nintendo and play Donkey Kong Country 3 or something. It's one of those shows where I just remember the INSANE opening theme and not much else. I don't know how much of this show I actually watched but I'm sure I saw a decent amount of it. The crazy ass opening is the best part of the show even if I do like the rest of it quite a bit. You need to check that shit out on youtube as soon as possible!

The Final Episode is not the one that's on some DVD set that's just people doing a script read. No what the Final Episode is the one that actually aired on television on December 7th, 1985 (No it's not a Christmas related episode. Would you believe that there are three shows that I have wanted to discuss so badly on this silly ass blog that end on a Christmas episode? Weird huh?) and was called "The Winds of Darkness". It starts with the kids having fun swimming in a hot springs when Dungeon Master just pops in and gives them some cryptic talk which they will find out during the episode. I think this was his big thing just being a cryptic asshole and having the kids figure out what the hell his nonsense his stupid ugly ass talks about. Anyway he fucks off and then GIANT FUCKING RED ANTS break out of the fucking hot springs because there needs to be a reason to get the kids to run the fuck away which they do after trying to fight them.

They get into a cave and find a fairy dragon named Amber that immediately takes a liking the Presto the Magician.  She doesn't like Eric. After a bit of discussion and walking they run into another dragon which I will call Frank the Dragon because I forget the silly Fantasy Name they gave the dragon and I like the idea of dragons having people names. So Frank tells them that Queen Tammy (not the actual name but one I've decided to use) has been kidnapped by a greedy king asshole. So it's up to the kids to save the Queen. They easily get into the castle thanks to the Thief's cape that turns her invisible. They then go looking through the dungeon and find the one with the Caged Queen Tammy. Sadly the Evil Greedy King Dickface informs them that their magic wont work here inside this cell. So they are ALL captured. Even Eric and the Unicorn who were a look out. Thankfully Amber escapes and goes back to tell everyone. Sadly she gets seen by King Dickface's men. 

Meanwhile the kids realize that Presto's cap can be put out SIDE the door and used. You'd think King Dickface would get his Wizard to make the ENTIRE Dungeon magic proof but I guess the Wizard is lazy and hates King Dickface. He uses magic to have some fucking termites pop up an eat the damn wooden door. They then go to meet up with the Fairy Dragons at their cave. The Queen tells them about their treasure but that's just when King Dickface comes in to the damn cave and they get trapped in the treasure room. They realize that a mirror in the room can bring you anywhere you want to go because Eric sees the amusement park because he wants to go home. They think of the place Queen Tammy had mentioned earlier and the dragons go flying in. I mean they also get the kids to shove in the treasure that THEY DON'T NEED BECAUSE THEY ARE DAMN DRAGONS. You should you know let the kids escape back home because they SAVED YOUR GREEDY ASS. Man these fairy dragons are honestly kinda worse than King Dickface.

They get the dragons out but they have to break the mirror before they can get back. They get past all of King Dickface's men by having Presto use his magic to make them float like balloons. They leave the cave with King Dickface screaming about how they need to let him down. Fuck King Dickface. The Episode ends with that little turd DungeonMaster being a cryptic little fucker. Man I would have kicked that little fuck right in his stupid face so many times if he brought me to that realm. I guess that's why I'm not in the realm of Dungeons and Dragons. That and the fact the realm is also a cartoon, but still Fuck Dungeon Master. 

FINAL VERDICT: I enjoyed this Final Episode. All the kids get something to do and it's fun to watch them interact. I also found out that one of the writers on this show would also go to write for Batman the Animated Series and Gargoyles. Michael Reaves is his name. That dude is good. Anyway A lot of people who watched this show first run swear the kids get home in the last episode and you'd think they would have because they were so damn close this time. Maybe tell the dragons to fuck their gold and let them get home. There was clearly enough time to save the dragons AND the kids but NOOOO the greedy dragon pricks needed their gold. I hope the kids realize that those dragons are jerks in the end.