Comic Review #47: United States of Captain America #1 (2021)

                       

I've been excited for this comic since it was announced. I'm a fan of big Anniversary stories. I'm a fan of like every Captain America on the cover. They are all great characters as Captain America or The Falcon or USAgent or Bucky or whatever. I thought the new Captain America inspired minority characters were really cool looking. I put those two words in fancy text because angry people from the internet who don't read comics but still call themselves comicsgate are angry about "wokeness" and how these characters were gonna replace Steve Rogers despite Marvel Comics doing the Legacy Character thing better than DC nowadays. How about we not leave Wally West in the dust, DC? He's a good character too damnit. You pricks. Whenever comicsgate gets mad about a comic you can get excited about it because it's actually going to turn out pretty good. The comics they make. Not so much. Maybe I'll write about one of their crap piles. I dunno.

The day this comic came out even more conservative crybabies got angry about it. They got angry over the fact Captain America got disillusioned over America and the American Dream. Wow. You know the thing that happened in the 1970s when He literally quit being Captain America because Richard Nixon was the mastermind behind a cult who wanted to take over everything. It's pretty wild. Not to mention other times but that's still the most famous. These people will always amuse and enrage me. It's quite sad. Anyway it's time for me to discuss this comic and was it worth the time to read, and I'll say yes and that I enjoyed both stories within this comic and I will regale them to you with great enthusiasm!

This is the first comic book I've read by Mr. Christopher Cantwell, and he uh has an unfortunate name. I won't say why but you can easily look him up and find out why. He's a pretty new guy with very few comic books under his name. His Iron Man ongoing didn't seem that interesting to me so I didn't pick it up, now I might end up picking up an issue and seeing what it's like because I was a fan of this comic but who knows. I've already got enough comics to read. Which is like 12,000. I do like Iron Man though. The art is done by Dale Eaglesham and he's a pretty great artist and I like his stuff. I'm not very good at the art criticism side because I just know what I like and what I don't. I'm not going to go DUR THE ANATOMY IS WEIRD or whatever crap hoity toity art nerds too. I just like his work. It's cool and good.

The story starts out with Steve Rogers thinking about how much America has changed since 1940. Thinking about does he have a place within America. Thinking how America treats a lot of people poorly and how that's terrible. You know things the character usually thinks about. OK, that will be the last pokey comment at people. When a mother fucker dressed like Captain America pops into the room and fucking steals his shield. Just outta fucking nowhere holy hot damn. It's pretty awesome. Captain America contacts the Falcon and he watches where the guy goes. Captain America is off on the road. During the search the Evil Captain America fucks up a train station and Captain America has to help a damn train brake AND then get the people off the train. He jumps out at a shadow that resembles a Captain America but it's not Evil Captain America but actually Captain America of the Railways! A gay teenager who has been helping people on the railways of America.

This is the one thing I didn't like about the comic and it's when Captain America the real Original Big Man literally says he will beat this kid up if he doesn't get an answer on who he is. I do not like that one bit. Captain America wouldn't do that and I don't like it. That's about it. They are shot at by a sexy lady. Comics do need more sexy lady assassins. The comic ends with Captain America The Real Original Big Man and FalconCap deciding to suit up and kick some ass. They are gonna find that sexy assassins and that stupid jerk Evil Captain America. And meet up with some of the new people inspired by him that they were told too by Captain America of the Railways.

So let's talk about the Captain America of the Railways origin story. It's a pretty simple short little story that involves him being kidnapped by the evil company ROXXON who wants slave labor. ROXXON is another thing that these totally big comic fans that were angry about this story would be angry about if they actually read comics because they are like the most evil corporation of all time and you know these guys love corporations all of them. Yeah I said I wouldn't be pokey but I lied. Fuck that It's my damn blog sonny. Uh so he meets a guy there and he decides that he doesn't want to be a fucking slave for a piece of shit corporation he decides to dress up as Captain America and kick some ass. I like that his shield is just a trash can lid. Lol. Anyway this ends with him kissing the boy he talked too. Aw a nice sweet way to end this comic book.

FINAL VERDICT: I enjoyed this comic and I hope that the other 4 issues are just as good. I cannot wait for the rest of these issues and I hope the next Captain America ongoing is good too because I am now hyped up for some Cap action.