The Final Episode #48: Spider-Man (1981 - 1982)

 

You know since the Final Episode of the 1967 Spider-Man show was such a useless pile of shit I had just HAD to talk about another Spider-Man series. It really didn't matter which one of them I could talk about any of them and have more to talk about than with a damn clip show. I wonder how many shows did end on a clip show and which was the laziest clip show of them all. I think that Spider-Man (1967-1970) would be in the running for the laziest. They barely bothered thinking of a set up. Spider-Man randomly gets hit by some lightning of some shit and ends up talking to a kid about being a hero. I'm pretty sure every other show at least gave us a new joke or something to go along with the old clips, and they gave us more than 3 clips.

I know bitching about the Final Episode of a different show is a weird way to open an article but you try opening up a 5th article on Spider-Man of all things. It's hard. So I went with bitching about how bad the Final Episode of Spider-Man (1967 - 1970) which is now the worst Final Episode ever. Until I find the next one. Anyway I like this because I get finally talk about Friz Freleng! Even Though I don't think he even worked on this show but I'm still going to talk about him because this is MY blog and I can do what I want with it, plus it has to do with the history of the Marvel Productions. Friz was an animator who worked for Disney as a teenager in the 1920s and then in the 1930s till like the 1960s he created or helped develop some of the greatest Looney Tunes, like Sylvester and Speedy Gonzalez. He then worked with David DaPatie to make Pink Panther cartoons and then they sold their animation company to Marvel. There now you have the history. Isn't it wonderful.

Spider-Man and more importantly Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends get a lot of talk online and I'm sad that I never got to see these shows as a kid. I only learned of them as a teenager and only got to see some of them as an adult. Actually now that I think of it that VHS tape I mentioned in the Spider-Man 1967 article (I promise to not bring this series up again for the rest of this stupid review) that I rented from Blockbuster that my parents really didn't want to spend the money or have to go back to the store to bring it back in like two days (they really got lazy thanks to the 7 days for 7 movies for 7.77 deal that Allan's Video had) but I somehow got it. I think that might have been an episode of this show or Amazing Friends. I do not know but it makes sense that I was able to argue getting it because it was a Spider-Man show I didn't get to see on YTV. I don't get why YTV got these series and put them in a rotation with the 1967 show. Oh shit I broke my promise. Eh, fuck it. I DO WHAT I WANT.

This Spider Man show lasted for 1 whole season of 26 episodes and I can already hear Portnoyd bitching and moaning about how thats not enough episodes and I say IT IS BECAUSE ITS MY BLOG AND I MAKE THE DAMN RULES YOU FUCKER. Portnoyd is the only person I pick on. I like the rest of my viewers and dont tell Portnoyd but I like him too. Even if he is a dickhead. Uh where was I? Oh yeah this show lasted from 1981 to 1982 and was the first Marvel Animated Program. The Incredible Hulk and Spider-Man and many other productions and co-productions would happen. I've only seen a few episodes of this show but every single one of them including this Final Episode were all buck fucking wild. So let's get to the good shit!

The Final Episode of Spider-Man (1981 - 1982) appeared on our television screens on March 20th, 1982 with the title "Under the Wizard's Spell" or as I like to call it "The Dumbest Love Story Ever Told" starts with some no good punk kids wrecking people's shit. Literally pushing over Pretzel carts and a lady selling flowers and Spider-Man has to come in and fuck shit up. Then Medusa, yes Medusa the living hair lady of the very popular Inhumans team of characters (not gonna lie I like the Inhumans and actually want to check out that era of comics where Marvel was giving them a bigger push around like what 2014? I dunno. I just know that Portnoyd will call the Inhumans dumb.) shows up and tells a cop that was trying to arrest Spider-Man for harassing these people that he's a dumb motherfucker and it was the kids.

Spider-Man instantly gets a Spider-Boner from Medusa. Medusa apparently is not married to Black Bolt in this universe or he would have screamed and probably destroyed all of New York City and made Spider-Man's whole body a bloody mess of goop. I'm glad that they aren't because I love Spidey and dont want to see him turn to goop. They kinda sorta flirt until Medusa goes to the Wizard who told her to come here from wherever the hell the Inhumans come from. I think at this point in the comics It was still in the Andes. They would end up on the Moon later on. Wild times. So yeah The Wizard wants Medusa's help to steal some Nyrobiem that will help him create his Anti-Gravity machine. He forces a necklace on her that makes her do what he says. Oh and apparently he needed her because her hair would not cause the alarm to go off if she picked up these big pill looking things that I guess is the Nyrobiem. She hits the Nyrobiem against another case of Nyrobiem and the alarm goes off. I also hate the word Nyrobiem. It just looks stupid.

Medusa saves Spider-Man and does not talk about the necklace. They end up going out on a date in the middle of this episode. They have a little fight because Medusa doesn't think Spider-Man trusts her because he won't show her who he is. But MEDUSA DOESNT TELL HIM ABOUT THE FUCKING NECKLACE. She leaves and he ends up going after her. She gets him to help her rob a fucking military place because it has some doohickey that the Wizard needs (can I say that I love the Wizard and wish more people used him. He's a big asshole and I love big asshole characters) and the end up at the Wizards lair and Spider-Man finally finds out that they are working together and MEDUSA STILL DOESNT TELL HIM ABOUT THE NECKLACE. Spider-Man gets sent into a damn death trap where it will get warmer and warmer. 

Medusa and the Wizard fight and Spider-Man finally realizes that the ground is not hot so he rips it up and.....water comes out? and he comes out of the little steam thing some buildings have. This is weird shit. They finally get the better of the Wizard and finally Medusa tells him ABOUT THE FUCKING NECKLACE. What a dope. He puts on The Wizards fancy gloves and finally gets the necklace off. He also took the Wizard's doodads on his outfit that helps him fly. So The Wizards screams "HAHAH YOU FORGOT TO KEEP AN EYE ON ME AND I CAN FLY BYE FOOLS" or something like that before realizing Spider-Man did think of that. They end their team up with a kiss that really should have not happened and the final scene is Aunt May talking to Peter and says "You look like your in love!" and he goes "Who could I be in love with Aunt May?" while looking at a piece of Medusa's hair.

FINAL VERDICT: Holy hell this might be the goofiest Final Episode of anything I've covered. I've only seen three or four episodes of this series and holy shit I have to see the rest. This was a lot of fun to watch and totally makes up for the sheer shittiness of the Final Episode of the other Spider-Man show. This Final Episode column will usually not go past the year 2000 so we only have 3 more Spider-Man shows to go and it will be hard for them to beat this but I get the feeling that they will. Spider-Man shows got WEIRD. A very fun Final Episode.