About a week ago, I told you about the story of the 2000 film Spiders. I told you about it's likeable characters and wild practical effects by Greg Nicotero and Robert Kurtzman. I told you about how it was an overall fun movie. I even mentioned two other creature features from around the same time by the same company (the two Crocodile movies). I'm reminding you because well I need an opening paragraph for my review. I'm also setting up the fact that while I enjoyed those three movies, I felt Spiders 2 shit the bed.
Spiders 2 is brought to us by our pal Sam Firstenberg, who you may remember brought us such classics of cinema as American Ninja, Breakin', Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo and the first movie I reviewed for this Movie review column thing Cyborg Cop. Sam is good at movies that involve dancing and action. Sam is not very good at creating a spooky atmosphere or anything. You kinda need that when not much happens in the first hour or so, a spooky atmosphere or tension or whatever can keep you watching. When that's done poorly you are bored to tears. I will also say that Spiders II is not the kinda movie for mood building. When you watch something like that you want a roller coaster ride where you don't know what kinda crazy thing is gonna happen next.
It also doesn't help that the characters in this movie are dull as dishwater. I'm not saying the characters in Spiders were like the most well developed characters you'll ever see in a movie but at least they had something. At least the actors seemed to care about their roles. The movies plot takes place on a cargo boat and Dr. Richard Moll (more on him in a bit) is working for some company called THE COMPANY. Yes, they spent a lot of time thinking that name up. Dr. Richard Moll is trying to create an antidote for all diseases using spiders or some shit. I don't care enough to think about it. He has to inject humans with the stuff and it seems to always fail and cause spiders to break out of peoples guts. You know when stuff finally happens in a less than stellar movie but you're already mad at it because you spent 1 hour to get to the point where shit finally happens that you refuse to enjoy it. Yeah. Spiders II was like that.
Pretty much the only reason to watch this movie is for Richard Moll as Dr. Richard Moll. You know the guy from Night Court, House (1986)and the voice of Two Face in not one but TWO Batman cartoons. He and his little sidekick Monroe steal every scene they are in. Like not even the effects are as good. I dunno but I liked the way the Spider creatures looked in the first movie more than this one. Plus this one seems to use way more CGI which I'm pretty eh on. I'd rather practical but I don't hate CGI. The CGI here isn't great though.
Wait. They named a main character after a lead actor? Are you kidding. That's like wearing the shirt of the band you're going to see. This movie is dumb.
ReplyDeleteNo I called him Dr. Richard Moll as a joke. And I forgot the characters actual name.
ReplyDeleteThis movie is bad tho.