NES Game Reviews #42: Ghenghis Khan's Gemfire Fight George Foreman and a Ghost Lion with the Ghostbusters

 

Well now, I know I said two things just a few days ago but I am very bored right now so I will be writing another post before January 2nd where CRAZY SHIT STARTS GOING DOWN AGAIN. I also found some posts that I could delete and now I have more time to watch 84 episodes of a television series so I can do the 500th post. It is pretty much something I and maybe one other person would be interested in it. Anyway I think this might be the worst six games I could talk about to cure boredom. I will see what portnoyd has to say about this stuff.

So I'm sure you all remember when I took a mulligan and was like FUCK THIS and reviewed all four Bases Loaded games in one paragraph because they all suck shit and barely change anything in them and the pitcher view is really annoying and I don't like it. Yeah, I should have done that for these games too because I literally have just one thing to say about them is that it seems to take way too long to fully understand how to play because you got to make sure you do everything right. EVERYTHING. I do not know which one of these games I played but I played one of them for like one hour and thirty minutes one time. Finally cracking the code to these games I thought, NOPE. It turned out that I was doing something wrong for that entire time and I'm sorry but I'm an old ass fucking man now. forty fucking years old and no I don't have time to literally piss away 1 hour and 30 minutes just because I made a mistake. That's just unfair and the reason I just can never get into these games. I know the people who can seem to love them and to be fair I will put them in the impatient pile. I just don't understand them and never will.

Hey, cool two of these games in a row. Wonderful. What can I say that I haven't said before. Uh, I do love the box art here. Genghis Khan looks so excited and crazed and angry to be on a NES game where he gets to pillage again. The other thing is that is one of like I dunno twenty or so games that I have not played before.  So I pulled up the ROM wondering if this game would be different. Would it be something that a newbie to strategic games or will they be complex as all hell and I got into the game and saw the list of things that you can do and just screamed and cried and maybed pooped myself a little. These games just have too much going on. I just want simple strategic games, just know what to do and not have to make sure you do 203490 things before you even really start the game. I just do not get these games. I do not know if I can call them awful truly because the people. Maybe I should have tried more but I can't fix my impatience. I just don't want to those 4204209 things before I even start a game. Bleah.

Oh goodie a boxing game on the NES. A boxing game that does not have Michael Tyson in it. This game was not made by Nintendo themselves. That game is very simple but still feels exciting and you have to find the right way to beat the boxers. The Challenge is also fair (even though I have never beaten it) where you start with simple boxers like Glass Joe before going to harder and harder guys. This game starts hard as fuck. I don't know how to do uppercuts at all and the computer does and it takes out a HUGE CHUNK of your life. I also don't know what the hell to do to get up when knocked down, something that is very easy in Mike Tyson's game (until you can't do it anymore). This game has you have to hide in the corner and punch a guy when you can and if he pulls off his super uppercut POW BAM BOOM you are fuckin dead as shit. This game is inexcusable for 1992. The graphics are worse than Mike Tyson which was back in the damn 1980s! WHEN THE SYSTEM WAS JUST STARTING. George Forman really deserved better. Fuckin Beam Software man.

Can I say that the cover of Ghost Lion for the Nintendo Entertainment System literally has one of the most 1980s images ever. Like ever. It is proof that the 1980s died in 1992. I know it doesn't seem to make sense but this was clearly the last gasp of the Nineteen Eighties before going off to die a beautiful Neon death somewhere in a desert I guess. I also like it because it's really thrown together. Why does her face look like it's photoshopped really badly. The body is a drawing but the face is someone face. Also I like the Lion just casually in the background with a really bored look on his face. He's really going C'MON MAN TAKE THE PICTURE. Anyway this is NES game reviews not NES box art reviews. I don't know how I'd rate this games box art because it's both amazing and awful. Which is kinda apt for this game. I mean I wouldn't call it amazing because it isn't. This is a Dragon Warrior ripoff and it lets you level up quickly. I don't even know where the level cap is but I really think it's pretty low. This game is very short and was clearly brought over by Kemco because they were like fuck let's make some small amount of money, this game was actually based on a movie from 1988, and was made in 1989 and then was brought over to America to make some money in 1992. It's a very 1989 RPG. It's really rough around the edges but it's also pretty easy for the most part. I like the ablitily to pick up random strange ghosts to fight with you. They got magic and shit. I don't know what else to say except this is a generic RPG that will very much go into the okay pile. Woo.

This game brings out a lot of nostalgia. It was one of the first games I got when I got my second NES. I was so exicted because I'm a fan of the Ghostbusters. The cartoons, the movies (well mostly just the first two) and all that. I put it into the NES and after a few minutes of playing I went "What the fuck is this fucking garbage?" I considered it the worst NES game ever. I even wrote a review for a website called NES Player (well I put said review up on like every page that would take it lol). Said review was a profanity laden rage fest on the game. I don't want port getting angry at Groxx but one day it was replaced by a review by some guy who none of us talked too but I guess must have annoyed Groxx enough to post said review. His review was a huge blowjob to this game. A messy, gross blowjob. Painful with lots of teeth. I try to respect not popular opinions on things. I mean when they are geniune and not contrarian city and I'm sorry this guy was a fucking contrarian. First off you have to buy your own equipment . Who the hell thought that was a good idea? The Ghostbusters created their own equipment! So once you get enough money from busting Ghosts and getting fucking angry from the driving segments because FUCKING JESUS CHRIST you don't know if a car is coming and you want to stick up at the top but if you hit a car you lost money and that means you have to do some really boring fucking ghost shooting segments. The entire game is fucking boring or frustrating. Even when you get the best suits and the ghost food going into the Zuul building is still a paintful expereicne because the Ghostbusters move the slowest I've seen any video game character move. Holy shit. It's so bad. If you somehow get to the top to fight the Final Boss don't go back up to far because you will go to a different screen and that's just annoying. This game is terrible. Sadly this game does not make Bustin feel good.

Ghostbusters II is a weaker film than Ghostbusters but Ghostbusters II is a better game than Ghostbusters. I mean it's still a rotten piece of shit but it starts with something the first game should have done and be a platformer. Sure it would have probably been janky as hell but a platformer is where the Ghostbusters should have been, not whatever weird shit the first game was. Sorry, there's some outside of the box thinking for games but sometimes you just go for the tried and true and this game is a platformer and I give them credit for that. They knew what they should have done. It's just this is a very not fun game to play. The controls are what puts it down. Shooting the gun is impossible. You gotta move the gun to shoot the ghosts and it just feels so stiff. Moving around feels stiff. The level design just feels "whatever" and there's not much to like about this game. This game like the first one will go in the bad pile but I just don't get mad at it like I do the first game and somehow even beat it. I don't know how but I did. I'm a wild man.

GOOD GAMES: 125

BAD GAMES: 86

OKAY GAMES / HAVENT AGED WELL: 30

GAMES IMPATIENT WHATEVER: 5